I believe in angels. I look back on many occasions in my life when unexpected words of strangers have penetrated my soul, opened my eyes to something I knew in my gut to be truth. When I realize, "Wow- this is something I needed to hear." I believe God is speaking to me through the voices of people in my life. God is speaking to all of us through one another, if we are receptive and perceptive enough to recognize divine when it hits us. Listening to these words, taking them to heart, I have found strength, clarity, groundedness, the experience of love, and the best understanding I can come up with for why I'm here - literally and figuratively.

One of the earliest spiritual messages that stuck to me was a simple little sticker I found in a drawer: must have been a prize from some Sunday School activity I had forgotten about. A puffy worm with googly eyes saying "Patience please, God isn't finished with me yet." I think a part of me even as a small child was put off by the corniness of it, but the message kind of resounded with a child who had painful social struggles from elementary school through high school. I coped with my deep loneliness and self doubt by hanging on to the sense that real true life was something beyond here and now - something I had yet to experience.

The desire to overcome social awkwardness led me to the idea of becoming an exchange student as a teenager. I arranged for my family to host an exchange student from my senior year in high school and then traveled to Indonesia the year between high school and college. More than the travel itself, I was looking forward to an opportunity for personal growth through expanding my experiences with other people. Anyone who has travelled or lived abroad can imagine what a formative experience this was - opening my eyes to a completely different world from everything I knew, and learning to navigate on my own, detaching from my culture and language as I tried to absorb as much as possible from my surroundings. I went to Indonesia a second time for a summer internship during college and this time felt homesickness like I had never imagined. The first time, as an exchange student I had freedom to explore and had many friends among other exchange students, as well as an embracing host community. The second time I had obligations, found myself chaffing against cultural constraints, and had no peers. I came to grasp how important it is for me to feel rooted in community, among people who share some of my values.

Back to those "angels" I refer to. A couple of incidents from my traveling experiences still stand out for me. One was a woman selling fruit in a market in a region known for being rough and marginal, not to mention solidly Muslim. All the vendors around her nodding their heads in agreement while she explained to me that "Muslim, Christian, Buddhist...The same God created all of us and the same God is watching over us all." Another was a devout Muslim teenage girl who's family I spent a weekend with. She had just received a rejection letter that morning from the college program she had been preparing for all her life, and as she coped with her crushing disappointment kept repeating the words "Praise God!" At first I didn't understand, but then it dawned on me that she was reminding herself (and the rest of us by extension) that God had another plan for her life. And yet another teenage friend who's family I stayed with in a visit to Argentina stunned me with her bravado in asking for help from strangers. Nothing is too impossible to expect or even to ask for.

A whole lifetime - or I could say, many lifetimes have passed since my student days. I have been very fortunate: to have met and married my soul mate shortly out of college, to have three beautiful, healthy children, including my youngest who is to be baptized this morning, to establish a career that I not only believe in, but allows me to work part time around my family's schedule, and to have built an incredibly supportive community of friends.

Still, one of the things I have learned first hand is that having everything I feel I want or need - material sufficience, a home, family, meaningful job, creative achievements, and even a rich social network, these things don't equate to happiness or spiritual wholeness. Often times I still feel the same emptiness and insecurity that has always been there.

A most profound Bible story that I had the chance to reflect upon when I was teaching Sunday School a couple of years ago (a plug for being a Sunday School teacher...)  After his death and resurrection Jesus comes back to Peter at the shore and has a conversation with him that to me, more than anything defines and exemplifies our calling as Christians. Jesus concludes the conversation by asking Peter "Do you love me?" "Yes, of course I do, Lord" "Then FEED MY SHEEP". The repetition of this exchange three times is a reminder of Peter's ultimate failure, when Jesus was arrested and Peter denied him three times. The subtext is Jesus saying "I haven't forgotten that you messed up. But you are still important to me, and I am giving you a chance to prove yourself again." The repetition also brings home the essence of this command. Note that Jesus does not say "Lead my sheep" or "Teach" or "Change" them, and he especially does not suggest that he wants us to evaluate their moral character. It's simple: As Christians, the way we love Jesus is to take care of other human beings.

So, concretely speaking, what does God want from me? To love and care for God's people. How do I know who I should "feed"? Start with those closest to me (my family and friends), and the people who cross my path (acquaintances and strangers). The people (anywhere in the world) who may be affected directly or indirectly by the choices I make. To share whatever I have - money, time, talent, attention, or whatever it is that will help to meet their needs. To have patience with people, to forgive their transgressions and to love unconditionally. To respect that each person is reflective of and connected to the Creator, whether they are friend or stranger - Christian or not.

With this job description to guide me, I'm just here doing the best I can. Being a wife, mother and friend has sometimes (maybe all too frequently) tested my capacity for patience, forgiveness, faith. (That's a nice way of saying "these people are impossible to live with!" - and maybe I am too.) The  creative, smart, caring individuals that comprise my family are perfect in their own eccentric ways, but confound any expectations I might have had. With a default answer of "yes" to every request I can find a way to meet, I am still learning how to discern when a particular problem has my name on it, or when it  is better to pass on to someone else to solve. Still, even the modest shoes that I have to fill seem way too big for me sometimes. I am overwhelmed, unsure of where I've gotten to or what I should be doing, disappointed in myself. As one of my friends recently put it (another one of those messages that struck to the core) "There is no ego in this profession."

So in response to my own worries, and to share, perhaps a message for others who can relate, I guess that I would conclude with the sentiment:

"I find strength in the faith that the challenges I confront are God's work, not my own. God is not finished with me yet."