"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;" Proverbs 3:5
When I was first asked to do a Living Epistle I was afraid. Once I got over my fear, I forgot the date and I had to e-mail Tom and ask him to tell me the date again. After that was done, I did not know what to talk about, and once I got over that, I began to see what the real problem was. I had little faith or trust in God. I was trying very hard to decipher why I had been selected. I was attempting to decide what was best for me because I knew this was going to be uncomfortable for me. What I should have been doing was asking God for guidance and allowing him to direct my path. Proverbs 3:5 says, "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;" I was not doing that, and I was ashamed to admit it to myself, never mind anyone else.
Throughout my life I have found myself prayerfully asking God to deliver me from a number of problems I had caused for myself while believing I knew what was best for me. Those things had happened because I was being disobedient. Some were very public and others were extremely personal such as issues with substance abuse.
For example, a few years ago, the military sent me to two different places in the world where I was placed in harms way. The first one was Honduras at the height of one of its unrest cycles. The other was the First Gulf War. I did almost everything I could do to avoid going . . . except listen to God when he told me not to enlist in the Army. Although I had refused to trust God�s words or his messengers, I was very quick to blame God for my mistakes.
What I finally learned was that when I did not have faith in God or obey him, it was impossible for him to answer my prayers. Every prayer that I believed went unanswered caused me to question why I should have faith in God. Then I started to blame God for my shortcomings. My mind would race with questions like, how could a God of compassion and mercy allow these things to happen to me? This interaction led me on a journey of questioning God�s existence. This was hard to do, since I grew up in a home where every day was viewed as a day to celebrate God. However, I managed to question his existence anyway.
Hebrews 11:6 says, "and without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him."
My mother, who worked in a hospital as a nurse, helped to point out my problem. One day she told me that when some men come to get their shots they say that the needle does not bother them. My mother, however, observes their facial expressions, which always tell her which men are troubled by the needle. These men would leave the hospital thinking they had fooled her, when in reality they had not. I suddenly realized that God knew I did not trust him, even when I told myself that I did.
My father once told me that people are not always fair but God is. That made sense to me, but when I feel that I have been wronged, I am ready to fight for myself. If I had faith in God or if I trusted in his fairness, I would know that he will make sure that I receive what I am supposed to: no more and no less. I obviously needed to develop my faith.
I am a counselor, and when I first meet with a family, I know they do not have faith in me, nor do they trust me. As we work together to address and resolve their problems, however, I notice when they start to trust me more. I ask my families to have faith in me and to trust me. When I make a mistake, I humbly ask them to forgive me. I am always willing to take the time to cultivate those relationships, yet I was not willing to do the same with God.
Does God deserve less from me than the effort I give my families? My mouth says no; however, my actions say yes. Thankfully, over the years I have started to learn how to strengthen my relationship with him.
Although God often does not resolve my problems the way would like him to, he has never failed me. He has never left me alone, and he has never allowed me to suffer more than I could bear. At some point I began to notice that God was 10 for 10 . . . not just one day but everyday. Still, I had a problem with trusting him. I had to choose between two methods of dealing with this problem: one would be to ignore it and the other to ask God how to deal with it.
Well, I chose the latter method. I started reading his Word and praying. What I discovered was that if I submit to God�s will, he will guide me. Romans 10:17 teaches how to develop strength and deepen ones faith. It states that faith comes from hearing the Word of God.
At the time of Paul�s writing, the vast majority of people were unable to read and the scriptures were kept in the synagogues rather than being readily available to everyone. Therefore, the only way to become familiar with the Word of God was to listen to those who preached it. Upon hearing the preaching of Christ and his disciples, faith spread across the world and down through the ages to us. Today we have the privilege of having God�s Word in our possession, so we can read it any time we wish! We can build our faith by studying the Bible on our own schedules.
Proverbs 24:32 says, "I applied my heart to what I observed and learned a lesson from what I saw
In everything I do, I must trust God and have faith that as I walk in his will, whatever happens is best for his plan. This enables him to comfort me. In Matthew 7:11 and Luke 11:13, Jesus explained that if we, as sinfully selfish as we are, know how to give good gifts to our children, surely our heavenly Father, who is pure love, will give good things to those who ask him! In John 14:1 He implores all his disciples (even me), "Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God [Or You trust in God]; trust also in me." Well, I am still learning this.
In a few days,several weeks I have to take an exam to become a licensed counselor. I trust that God will provide me with wisdom to answer the questions so that I pass the exam. Meanwhile, today, my wife is on a plane to Florida. She is helping to building housing with an organization called Habitat for Humanity. I choose to trust Jesus and have faith that the God that I diligently seek will deliver her safely to her destination and return her home safely to me. I expect these things because they are good gifts and because I am asking in faith, believing.
:" In short, if I really want to change, I need to spend more quality time with God, finding out who he really is and thanking him for all of my blessings instead of turning my back on him and blaming him for my failures. He has given me the tools; all I need do is surrender my will.And according to 2 Corinthians 3:18, as we behold the Lord, we become like him by the power of the Holy Spirit.How can God help me when I�m questioning whether he is even there? I had a hard time with this because I thought I was doing all the things God wanted me to. Again, I blamed God for what was actually the natural result of my lack of faith and acts of disobedience.