Living Epistle January 15, 2006 I have always been religious. Even as a child, although my parents were not church goers. My mother has been heard to remark “How did George get so religious? It was nothing I did!” Everything in life is in the sight of God. My relationship with God is rather cool, matter of fact, practical, not spiritual, not emotional. God is just constantly there. God is a friend, a force, energy, spirit, breath, the organizing principle of the universe, the architect of the world, my teacher, my lover, my father. God is there when I type reports on the computer at work, when I change a baby’s diaper, when I shovel snow yet again, when I watch TV. God is intimate with real life every day. God is good. All the time. Like many people, the first part of my life was spent growing up and going to school. Then came many years of raising 3 children and maintaining a household. Now at age 50 my children are grown. New horizons open! If it were up to me, there would be no problem in enjoying life. But the question nags me: What does God want me to do with my life right now? Discernment is the fancy term for that question about God’s will in my life. I went to diocesan meetings, I questioned others, I read books. Scripture bears strong witness. It is not Leviticus that keeps me up at 3AM. Instead the hard sayings of Jesus confront me: “It is easier for a camel to go through an eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of heaven.” “Sell all you have and give to the poor and come follow me.” “Take up your cross and follow me.” Do these words of Jesus mean the only choice is to run away to Calcutta? If so, I pity the poor people of Calcutta. Finally my partner Ed Greene said: “See what God is already doing in your life. Follow God’s lead.” “Trust that God will provide, and God trusts you to decide.” At the moment I feel two related callings. The first is to empty my self of my stuff. I sold my house several years ago. I gave up my apartment and moved in with my mother. I gave away belongings to the St. James’s Christmas fair. I will give up my good job, held for 26 years. The second is to transform my life, and not conform to the world. Leave my comfortable lifestyle and good income. Venture away from Fitchburg, where I have lived all my life. Even to leave this dear church family at St. James’s. Thus I will not be senior warden next year. And in February I will try to move to England and establish a new career as a planner in local government. I will no longer worship in this wonderful household of faith. What does God want now in my life? I am not certain, but it feels holy to make this attempt at emptying my self and transforming my life drastically. I identify with Abraham, who was called to leave the comfortable and the familiar, in order to go somewhere unknown. Please pray for me, especially as I cannot pray for myself. Everything we do is in the sight of God. Alleluia! God is good! All the time! George Van Hazinga